WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
