Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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