Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
