Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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