you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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