You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
