I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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