And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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