i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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