he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
