why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
