and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
