Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
