omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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