yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
