the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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