Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
