My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
