Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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