If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
