Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
