it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
