do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
