i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
