My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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