I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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