Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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