I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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