is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
