Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize