Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
