that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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