Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
