I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
