oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
