i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
