I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
