I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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