Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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