covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
