drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
