I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
