Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
