haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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