he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
