My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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