Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
