never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
