hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
