Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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