Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
