if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
