Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
