I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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