thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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