turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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