Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
