I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
