meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
