Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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