Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
