Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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