i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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