i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
