I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize