yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
