Your face is a jimmy john
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
