i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
