my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
