FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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