I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This girl is more easily done than said...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
