is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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