one two three fourrrrnication!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize