Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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